


Missing Ache

by Psianabel



Series: The Search [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Elrena is 19 and Lauriam is like 20, Gen, Mention of alcohol, Mention of sexual encounters, Past Elrena/Strelitzia, discussion of depressed state, just so you know they are lesbian/gay solidary, mention of smoking, there is nothing explict, they just .. talk about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 07:06:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18463957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psianabel/pseuds/Psianabel
Summary: It's been almost three years since Strelitzia died and neither Elrena or Lauriam are coping well with it.And sometimes they just need a heart-to-heart talk about it.(Read tags for warnings. Follow-up of "Realization")





	Missing Ache

The world was asleep already when Elrena finally made it home. 

Letting her shoulders drop, she tossed her keys into the nearby cupboard and slipped off her boots and jacket, throwing them into the direction they were supposed to belong. It all made so much noise, it rang in her ears and she groaned, but she really didn’t care right now.

In the darkness of her flat she made her way to the kitchen, bumping into a chair of her dining table that was not supposed to stand there. She cursed under her breath and pushed the chair away, not giving it another glance. The fridge was in reach and that was what counted - she opened it and her eyes fell immediately on the can of beer. 

Her hand was already on it, feeling the cold metal under her fingertips, when she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 

_ Fuck _ . 

She let it go again and opted for the bottle of water beside it instead, taking a sip from it as she walked towards the window of the room. 

A faint light came from outside, the few street lamps that were glowing helped her find her way home and now it was all she could look at. A few stars were visible, but mostly covered by thick clouds in this night sky. 

There was nothing interesting going on outside, it was way too late for anyone to even be outside, it was quiet and only the wind hushed through the alleys of Daybreak Town. 

Yet maybe that was exactly the reason why Elrena decided to sit down on the window ledge after she opened the big window in the kitchen. 

It was  _ quiet _ , the fresh air filled her lungs and gave her ease at all the blurry and scattered thoughts she had in her head. 

She let her head fall back against the window frame and closed her eyes, taking in deep breaths to let the feeling of the warm breeze flow over her. 

It was refreshing. And felt so  _ good _ . 

Better than everything she felt today, anyways. If, that was, she felt anything at all. 

She bent her legs loosely on the window ledge with her wrists placed on her knees, dangling the water bottle between her legs, and rolled her heavy and thumping head to the side to watch the thick clouds in the night sky. There was nothing particular she focused on, her gaze was empty and simply drawn to the distance, one could say lost in her thoughts.   
  
For once, it was peacefully quiet.    
  
“You finally made it back home, I see.”   
  
So much for that.   
  
Elrena groaned and tilted her head towards the room, recognizing Lauriam stepping out of the darkness of the kitchen, coming closer to her.   
  
“And here I was enjoying my quiet night.” She said with rolling eyes, rubbing her forehead with her thumb and pointer.    
  
He leaned onto the opposite end of the window frame and crossed his arms, sighing as he looked towards her. “Well, did you?”    
  
“Yeah? Of course I did.” She raised her hand from her face and finally looked at him properly.    
  
He was wearing his normal clothes, no sleeping clothes, like one would expect at this time of the night, yet Elrena wasn’t surprised about it.   
  
“Mmhm.” was the only reaction from him.   
  
An awkward pause was between them, until Lauriam pushed Elrena’s legs a bit to the side to join her on the window ledge, earning only a snappy “You could have just asked!” from her. He let out a small smile and settled for a position for both of them to sit comfortably and Elrena simply accepted it and continued looking outside.   
  
“I heard a loud noise, so I just wanted to check what was going on. I figured it was you.”    
  
“Hm.”   
  
Another pause, and Lauriam eyed the bottle in Elrena’s hand.   
  
“I’m glad I don’t find you smoking and drinking again.” That got Elrena’s attention. “And is that water? You’re making progress.”   
  
She looked at him with an annoyed expression and then took a glance at the bottle she held. That she had it still in her hand she already forgot.   
  
“... Doesn’t mean I did before. And this,” She held the bottle up, “is just an excuse to hopefully get this damn headache away.”   
  
“I meant finding you smoking and drinking  _ at home.  _ You reek of smoke and alcohol.”   
  
“What?” Elrena took a quick smelling test on her shirt and let her head fall back against the frame again. “Shit.”   
  
“So you did go to the party after all. The one you said you don’t go to?”   
  
Elrena sighed in defeat, there was no denying of it. “Yeah I did, can’t change that now, can I?”   
  
“I suppose not.” He leaned back, unsurprised and not really disappointed. “So, how many girls did you show the light today?”   
  
That let Elrena raise her eyebrow and she almost choked on air as she processed this question. “What? ... What?!”   
  
“Don’t act like you don’t know what I mean.” He almost grinned, she could tell.   
  
She was taken aback, the dizziness from before definitely gone now with that question. “... Since when do you ask me about my sex life?”   
  
“I just want to talk to you. We never properly interacted with each other lately.”   
  
“Yeah well-” She vividly gestured with her hands in front of her. “we could talk more if you weren’t asleep through the day and suddenly start getting active at night and early in the morning when  _ I’m _ asleep!”    
  
Lauriam said nothing and his grin faded, his head sinking.    
  
“... Fuck, I’m sorry, alright.” There was a shift in her tone, way warmer than before. “I didn’t mean it like that.”   
  
“No, look, you’re right. I know.” He closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath. “Can’t change that either now, can I?”   
  
They both started to snort, a wonderful welcome the lift the heaviness from the air.    
  
“So, you didn’t answer my question.” Lauriam continued after their small laughter died down and Elrena looked at him with a bold grin.    
  
“You really want to know, huh.”    
  
“I just want to know what my best friend is up to.”   
  
Elrena rubbed her jaw, suddenly well aware of the numbness there. Her grin stayed while she thought of what to say - Lauriam might be her best friend, but that didn’t mean she had to share every detail with him, and definitely not about something like  _ that _ .    
  
“I lost count after three.”    
  
Lauriam opened his mouth, but no sound came out of it and instead he closed it again, when he couldn’t find any suitable words, shaking his head while rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand. “Why did I ask, again?”   
  
“Well, you asked!” She pointed her finger at him. “I answered!”   
  
“I guess I had it coming.” He crossed his arms again, pondering for a bit whether to press on or not. “But did it help?”   
  
Elrena tilted her head to the side, questioning, and her grin slowly vanished as she saw Lauriam’s features going serious.   
  
Ah, that’s why he asked all this.   
  
Now it was Elrena who grew silent, well aware of what he meant. She sank back, finally letting go of that bottle and pulled up her legs to her chest, hugging them.   
  
For a while she said nothing, frankly searching for  _ anything _ to say that came close to the truth - she couldn’t bare lying to Lauriam -  looking deep into herself to find a suitable answer. Even though her mind was running wild with thoughts,  _ memories  _ from tonight’s happenings, nothing stayed or clinged onto her, filled the void she had in her.    
  
No matter how many times she convinced herself she had  _ fun _ , was excited or cared for a girl she met on one of the parties she went, it didn’t fill the emptiness in her heart.   
  
None of this happiness was real. Her heart was cold, frozen over from the pain and ache over the past two and a bit years. Torn, shattered, broken - however she wanted to describe it, she didn’t find a suitable word.

What was left was the longing to feel something at all.    
  
“... No, it did not help. They’re not …” Her voice was filled with bitterness and sadness.. “... They’re not her.”   
  
“Elrena.”   
  
“I know!” She released her legs again and gestured in the air, but ultimately sank back and leaned her head back. “I know it will soon be almost three years since she’s … gone, but I - … I can’t-”   
  
Lauriam leaned forward when he saw the distress in her face, her tears swelling up. He took her hands in his, feeling the cold til in her palms. “Elrena. I know, I-, I should not have asked and pried, I’m sorry.”    
  
Her tears never fell and she accepted the gesture from Lauriam, holding his shaking hands in her deep cold ones. It wasn’t much, they both knew that, but it was at least something that calmed them.    
  
He suffered as much as she did, in his own quiet way, and there were times like this where their opposite, unhealthy coping mechanism clashed. But they were aware of each others’ problems and neither of them wanted the other to go through it alone.   
  
Elrena released Lauriam’s hands after a while, after she felt them calming down a bit. Her tears were gone too in the meantime and what was left was a tight knot in her throat that refused to leave.    
  
“Lauriam, listen. I’m glad you’re still here with me. I-”  She swallowed, again, trying to get this roughness out of her voice, but it didn’t help much. She sighed and lifted her hand in front of her and in a flash of light her keyblade appeared in her hand, the faint green glow surrounding it enlightened the room a bit more and she could see Lauriam’s wide surprised eyes in front of her. “... I would have stabbed myself a long time ago if you weren’t.”   
  
She let it disappear again and her gaze fell into her lap together with her fumbling hands. A confession she never dared to speak out loud before, but she couldn’t hold it any longer, he had to know.   
  
Lauriam shifted towards her and pulled her close, their legs dangling from the ledge and their backs facing the outside. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and Elrena leaned into him, laying her head on his shoulder. The tears were close again, but still did not fall, and together they shared this quiet moment.    
  
“I promised we’re in this together.” He whispered and Elrena nodded against him.    
  
For a while they sat like that, with the warm summer breeze on their backs and the very faint red slowly appearing in the sky. Time moved on faster than they imagined and Elrena started to yawn, the rush from before fading.   
  
“You know, you still smell of smoke and alcohol.”   
  
“Oh fuck off.” Elrena elbowed him in the side and Lauriam let out a snort as he saw her grinning, hopping off the window ledge and stretched his back. He turned to her and placed a hand on his hip.   
  
“I actually wanted to ask you if you want to come to the meeting with the others tonight.”    
  
She briefly rubbed her eyes, the tiredness was slowly getting her, but stopped midway and looked up to him. “... Others? I guess you mean with Brain.”   
  
His features shifted and he stood up straight, confusion and then realization of what he just said written all over him.   
  
_ Yes, of course only with Brain, the others are gone! _ __  
__  
“Yes, he said he might have found something that could help us. And you’re in this too, so …”   
  
“Of course I’ll come with you.” She stretched herself, too, lifting her arms in the air and sank back then before she slid off the ledge, a bit wobbly on her feet. But she managed to hold her ground and walked towards him, patting on his shoulder. “They are fine, Lauriam, don’t worry.”    
  
_ I don’t know. I miss them. Ephemer, Skuld, Ven … please stay safe wherever you are. _ __  
  
He held still for a moment before he released his stiff posture and let out a deep breath, nodding. “I know, … I know.”     
  
She smiled to him and he returned it right after, a relief going through both of them that was well needed.   
  
“You know what,” Lauriam started after their laughter died down, “I’m going to fill a bath for you while you get out of these clothes. Deal?”   
  
Elrena raised an eyebrow and tilted her head, but honestly she couldn’t say no to that and nodded right away. A relaxing bath might just what she needed before she headed to bed. Punching his shoulder they both made their way out of the kitchen and Elrena turned to her room, hesitating before she pushed the door open. Lauriam noticed her hesitation and looked over his shoulder before he stepped into the bathroom.   
  
“You … still believe we will find her, right?”    
  
He could hear the sadness deep in her voice and it hurt him.    
  
“I promised you that. We will find her, no matter what happens.”   
  
A noise of agreement came from her before she slipped into her room, gone from his sight.   
  
He knew there was a long way to go to fulfill that promise, but as long as they both kept fighting for it together, it would always stay in reach.   
  
And one day, everything would be fine again. 


End file.
